On a postive note...

I just got back from the downtown Newton Community Vision meeting. And let me tell you, I am fired up! Previously, a community survey went out asking residents to rate the downtown and give their opinions on this and that. Tonight was an open meeting to go over the strengths and weaknesses of our downtown and then to come up with our own vision for Newton in 5 years.

Lots of people in business attire (I was wearing jeans and sneakers) and lots of schmoozing. But I still felt confident going in there, because the revitalization of our little town is something I have been thinking about for a long time. This afternoon, I got to talk with Phyllis of Phyllis' Crafts, a downtown shop that has been there for over 20 years. The name says 'crafts' but it should be considered more of a fire hazard...simply because of the huge amounts of products she has stacked in there. She's actually my neighbor behind us and we started talking about that, then about the forum tonight. I think she's just tired of the business. She has tried radio ads, putting everything (literally) on sale, so on and so forth, but her business is really slow.

So, two hours later, I was leaving there and I felt like I had made a friend.

Anyway, the forum really energized me and we all talked about the things we want to see happen to our town. There were more than just business owners who showed up. Residents and other business people other than from the downtown area showed up. And I think, by the end of the forum, people really believed that Newton could become this little destination where there are greenways, live music, shopping, variety of restaurants, a community garden and a spa. I saw so many people smiling and hopeful that something like this was not a crazy idea. And it's not just up to the downtown business owners to make change happen. Our community has to buy into the idea that it is up to them. To support, to volunteer, to be a part of the change, and not just to enjoy it if and when it comes.

Anyway, there are some interesting developments approaching. Melinda told me about a new possible part time position opening with Conover and the potential farmer's market opening there. Then I was told about the part time position opening with the Downtown Newton Development Association. Apparently, though, the business owners drove the current employee away by the politics and the stubbornness. But after tonight, who knows what is possible. And it is clear that it is not only for the business owners to be involved with. It is up to families and churches and clubs and schools to all get involved to make our town more valuable.

I was even told by some of the business owners after reading my vision that I should run for mayor!! :)

Maybe I missed my calling, or maybe I am just beginning to see it develop. Yet to be seen I guess, but I won't be leaving this thing alone.

Sluuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrp!

What's that sound? Did you hear it? Ah, that's the sound of joy being sucked out of life. If you were to go into the dictionary and look up the word 'encouragement' and then look at the antonyms, you would see my husband's name there.

Seriously. I am just now coming to the reality that: A. my dear husband is the most negative person I've ever been influenced by, and B. that I have wasted so much time by letting myself listen to the negative remarks that pop forth, and C. I can't do anything about it! I just need to keep my mouth shut apparently and never tell him about anything I get excited about or anything that I am thinking about, because...it never fails...he'll literally go out of his way to try to discourage me. Makes for a very boring and predictable life, I'll tell ya.

This isn't a Jason-bashing session, I just have to realize how he is and accept him! I love him very much, but my goodness....how did I not see this before?!

I know he loves me. But I don't think he's capable of ever thinking about life the way I do. I know some people who care about me very much are reading this. And if they do, the best thing to do for me is pray and be the encourager to your spouse that mine isn't for me. It will take a miracle if things change. And I am sure I am not telling you anything you didn't know already.

Windy day!

Wow! We saw some powerful wind yesterday with gusts up around 50 mph. Our neighbor's deck was damaged by some of the panels coming off and some of our fascia was blown off. When I was walking the dog outside, I had visions of random objects hitting me and ripping through my body. Nothing hurt me though...just had an overactive imagination.

Living your values

Today is a quote, not my own, but from Keri Wyatt Kent's book Breathe.

"...a key aspect of simplicity is living your values. If you say that you value people over stuff, if you say that you value helping the poor, if you say you want to spend time with your family but you don't arrange the details of your life to be able to do those things, you create an inner anxiety for yourself. Thoreau wrote, 'Your priorities are what you do.'"

and later-

"Much of the violence in our lives, and hence, the stress, comes from our effort to win and to control...Success and gentleness seem to be at odds. 'A successful life has become a violent enterprise,' writes Wayne Muller. 'We make war on our bodies, pushing them beyond their limits; war on our children, because we cannot find enough time to be with them when they are hurt and afraid, and need our company; war on our spirit, because we are too preoccupied to listen to the quiet voices that seek to nourish and refresh us..."

Goodbye little crabbies

I came to the decision a few days ago that I really need to find another home for our hermit crabs. I do not have the time to keep their home adjusted and clean and helpful for happy crabs. We've had them since about May, when Grandma bought Ezra his first, Spongebob.

It was a tough decision, because I have grown attached to them in a weird way. They are fascinating little creatures and have had five successful molts! We started out with the teeny tiny cage they give you at the beach shop, then we got a 2 gallon tank. Reading more, I decided to go to a 10 gallon tank and get them a few more friends.

There's too much going on at my house to care for them the way I'd like to. I decided to post something on the Freecycle group I belong to. The next morning, I got an email from someone who has had 2 crabs for 6 years and before that owned many crabs in Florida. I felt really good about choosing her to be their new mother.

When it came to telling Ezra, I knew I needed to tell him and not just get rid of them on the sly. I told him this afternoon that they were going to a new home tomorrow because I couldn't give them the care they needed. I saw it register on his face, then he started to cry a little at first, then even more. I felt so bad.

He said, "I'll help you take care of them, Mommy."

That broke my heart. I didn't count on him being so attached to them, since I am the only one who takes care of them. He begged and pleaded, but I tried to convince that they will be happier with some new crab friends who have a nice home. The woman who is taking them said that her crabs actually *sing* to each other, which is very rare in captivity (it means they're happy). I talked to him that maybe later on when he's older, he can get some more hermit crabs and take care of them with me. And maybe we'll get some fish. Much less upkeep.

It will be sad to see them go, but I know that I need less stress and responsibility on my plate...and that they deserve to learn how to sing!

My brain overfloweth

So many ideas and desires to do things that are not in my realm of reality right now. Now, my boss is asking me what I think should happen with the site I work on. Honestly, he is wasting a lot of money on it, but some of that money pays for our groceries, daycare, bills, etc. And seeing that security go away is scary. I think that deep down he just keeps the site going so he can justify paying me to keep around and take care of his ideas and whims.

One week it's this thing, next week it's another. Oh my, the plot is thickening as I type between here and my IM. Could this be it? The axe? The cutting of the ties? Tony's agreed that things aren't working with the site, and he said that it's all about me and not the site.

Ay yi yi...This may be the moment I have prayed for and dreaded at the same time. If I don't work for Tony, I'd have to get a full time job somewhere to make up what he pays me. But then I'd have to put Ezra in fulltime daycare. Can my husband really believe that God will supply our needs if I don't work full time? I have all these projects and things I want to do, but after years of living the way I have, I feel guilty for going after them 100%.

Maybe he'll keep me on and work on other projects. We'll see. It's just a crazy ride, not sure what to do or if I should even do anything. I am almost waiting for Tony to drop me. But he thinks that I am the way to profit somehow. More on this later, just had to vent.

A poor reflection of myself

One of my conversations with Ezra today included him saying that he doesn't care if someone gets hurt. He said he doesn't feel sad for them. Concerned, I questioned him further about this, worrying that my son will be a sociopath. He said, "I can't help it, it's how God made me!"

We spoke about compassion and what that meant and how God tells us to have compassion for others. When others are sad, we are to be sad for them, and if others are hurt or sick, we are to be kind to them. I told him that God told us in the Bible to love others, even those who are not our friends or family. For a reality check, go and read Luke 14:12-14.

Then we got to talking about strangers; nice ones and mean ones. He claimed that a mean stranger was one who had "yucky things" and a nice stranger was one who had "cool things". Another can of worms! Without trying to mess up the whole don't-talk-to-strangers mantra, I tried to explain to him that it does not matter what a person may have or wear...that doesn't make him a good or bad person. It's how they treat others and what's in their heart that matters. How do you teach a four-year-old this kind of stuff and hope that he truly gets it?

I thought I was so good at teaching through example. I am so careful not to comment on what a person is wearing, their social status, or on their physical appearance. But my son is still influenced by the tons of information coming his way. Somehow he likes Hannah Montana and Zack and Cody (television shows geared toward preteens). How? Do I let him watch this stuff? And how is he so concerned about what "looks cool"? He told me he liked me because I have a pretty face (thanks for the compliment, but the implications are not lost on me). It's a fact of life that my son is not only influenced by me and my husband, but by the great big world around him. And that influence that we, as parents, have on him is going to be strong and weak at times. It also makes me regret that we had never let him get involved with some of the shows and toys and attitude about collecting things that are already ingrained in his little mind.

How often do you, as a parent, sit down and think of consciously telling your small child basic concepts such as sin, compassion and the fact that God shows no partiality based on money, power or influence?

Yet, the Bible tells us to do so, in Deuteronomy 6:5, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."

So, my example alone is not all that I should do. Although I'll admit that my example needs to be more deliberate. But to constantly speak to him about the truths in the Bible that God wants us to pass on. The good news of the Bible is imperative, but our children need to know why there is the gospel to begin with.

Thankfully, God will always give us wonderful teaching moments that, if we are paying attention, we can use to teach our children about what God has to say on the issue. And many times, those teaching moments will come up by the questions our young ones have that force us to sit and think about the simplest and most often elegant answers.